Revenge, they say, is a dish best served cold. In the return match of this double-header, we all too literally served it up in the form of a triumphant tea; trestle tables groaning with satisfaction. A pyrrhic victory, though: full of sound, fury and battenberg, but ultimately signifying nothing.

On the pitch, we were as well stuffed as one of the family Clayton's perfectly piquant cheese-and-pickle sandwiches. The Pretenders got mega-real all over our collective ass.

It's possible that there were highlights either side of the prandial delight. I just can't remember them. JE

Postscript: This was our heaviest margin of defeat in Gardeners history, the statistics department writes. By inflicting our only 10-wicket loss (and all credit to Hulme for his belligerent and technically correct 88 not out), Pretenders went one better than Rajasthan Select in 2001, where J Elliott was again our lone beacon of class amid batting mediocrity. Our next worst defeat after that was an eight-wicket thumping at the hands of Steve Snell (a future county pro) at Ventor, also in 2001. Pretenders are, therefore, better than an Indian state (the Land of Kings, according to Wikipedia) and a Gloucestershire wicketkeeper-batsman. But, tennis fans will be particularly pleased to know, GCC are still 6-5 up in the head-to-head record between the teams. In other words, next match we serve for the set.

Those results in full (GCC being the subject, of course):

2003 – lost by 94 runs

2004 – won by 5 wkts

2005 – won by 7 wkts

2006 – won by 16 runs

2008 – won by 107 runs

2009 – won by 8 wkts

2010 – lost by 4 wkts

2011 – lost by 7 wkts

2012 – won by 4 wkts

2013 – lost by 91 runs

2013 – lost by 10 wkts