Gardeners Cricket Club
Gardeners Cricket Club

2014 Fines

COMMENDATIONS

 

THE MARY BERRY AWARD FOR BEST TEA - without a shadow of a doubt for the first Pretenders game, who could forget it - LAURA CLAYTON. In absentia, please stand up MR RICHIE CLAYTON who probably had a hand in the tea preparation anyway.

 

THE PULP FICTION AWARD FOR TASTIEST BURGER- for her superb homemade burgers at the end of season braai, more a fine of commendation than anything - NINA NISBETT.

 

CHAMPAGNE MOMENTS

 

THE JIMMY ANDERSON AWARD FOR BOWLING BRILLIANCE - A joint award. One for possibly the best spell I've yet seen - 6/14 off 6 against Carpediems at Turney Road - CLAYDERS. Another for his superbly aggressive spell against Bumblers and finishing it off with a sterling pointing of the way back to the clubhouse. He finished with 4/17 also off 6 – PIERS TEAKLE, THE TEAKLER

 

THE RAHUL DRAVID AWARD FOR CATCHING BRILLIANCE - each would normally win catch of the year were it not for the freak of a catch Metronome bagged against Strongroom. CLAYDERS  for his superb low catch at mid-off against Strongroom; NOVA for his superb low flying catch at mid-on against Jesmond Jags and PIERS for his reflex caught and bowled against Carpe Vinum

 

THE JONTY RHODES AWARD FOR FIELDING BRILLIANCE - for his superb diving stop at speed against Highgate Irregulars, ploughing into the boundary, flicking it back, doing a forward roll, only to get back on his feet, catch it, and throw it in right above the stumps, all in one movement and in front of the oppo – VOODOO

 

THE DENIS COMPTON AWARD FOR HIGHEST SCORE OF THE SEASON – another joint award One for his swashbuckling 82 against Jesmond Jaguars – DAN DE JESUS. Another for his superb 82 in front of his girlfriend against the Harry Baldwins – perhaps she should come watch more often? – JIM WARBIRCK

 

FINES

 

THE FLINTOFF EARLY RETIREMENT AWARD – jointly awarded. One for giving up the captaincy in 2014; the other for emigrating to Oxfordshire to avoid another fine – SKIP & CLAYDERS

 

THE ROBIN HOOD AWARD FOR OUTREACH TO THE DISPOSESSED - for telling a homeless man to "P OFF" in Oxford - TOM LEAHY. He did apologise right away, so we'll just make this a single shall we?

 

THE LINDSAY LOHAN AWARD FOR MOST IMPRESSIVE PARTYING ON TOUR - for getting us pepped up on Albanian firewater before the first tour game and then proceeding to party all us young bucks under the table later on - a unanimous decision - JONNY VINCENT

 

THE DAVID LLOYD AWARD FOR BIGGEST FAUX PAS AT PRE-SEASON NETS – for an attempt at humour by our humble bag man that unfortunately backfired spectacularly! No harm done, but I thought I’d read an excerpt from the email chain from a potential new recruit.... – ROB NAVRATIL

 

THE MARK WAUGH FASHION AWARD FOR SARTORIAL DARING - a three-way tie between Cunners' pink shorts at the first Pretenders game, Pier's pyjama bottoms against Carpe Vinum and Clayders' canary yellow trainers worn all season - NICK CUNNINGHAM, PIERS TEAKLE and RICH CLAYTON

 

THE MIKE ATHERTON CAPTAIN GRUMPY AWARD FOR GROUCHINESS ON THE FIELD - for the general bollocking we all received for being hungover in the field against Wytham on tour....TOMMY LEAHY

 

THE GARETH GATES AWARD FOR BEST/WORST SINGING EVER (you decide) - for his ear-shattering rendition of La Bamba at The Bear in Oxford. Perhaps he can have another go tonight? - ANTONI ROGOWSKI

 

THE JEREMY PAXMAN AWARD FOR BAD JOURNALISM, OR LACK THEREOF - for failing to do the tour write-up. Sorry bowler - NICK CUNNINGHAM

 

THE NASSER HUSSAIN AWARD FOR JAMMIEST DISMISSAL OF THE SEASON - for claiming a fly flew into his eye as he was clean bowled at Highgate Woods. And he’s still sticking to it! - CHRIS HUMPHRIES

 

THE EWOK AWARD FOR GETTING LOST IN HIS NATURAL ENVIRONMENT - for (a) being late for the game, (b) getting lost in Highgate Woods on his way there and (c) for not speeding up his efforts to get onto the field - I think that's a double! - ANTONI ROGOWSKI

 

THE GEORGE BEST AWARD FOR BIGGEST HANGOVER ON TOUR - second year running! We literally had to drag him out of bed white as a sheet and mumbling something about jaegerbombs the previous night to get to the game - ROB NAVRATIL

 

THE JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME AWOL AWARD - for anyone who's better half gave birth this season and they subsequently missed most of it - MIKE RICHARDS; FATTY NAKED

 

BEST NEW NICKNAME AWARD - there's a few here, so let's do them all - SEAL, FLETCH, CBG & EWOK

 

THE HUGO NISBETT TIMEKEEPING AWARD - for, I'm told, turning up late and severely over-dressed to last year's dinner - ED SPIRLING / FERRIS

 

THE AN COOK FLOATING TROPHY FOR BATTING - for taking 5 games to post a decent opening partnership this season. 3 of them didn't trouble the scoring - THE TWO W'S

 

THE CHUCK NORRIS MISSING IN ACTION AWARD - for anyone here who didn't play a game all season - JLO, WILL CLAYTON, FERRIS

 

THE CHRIS GAYLE AWARD FOR GOING BIG - for being instructed by Jamie to "go big or go home" with 4 runs to win against Carpe Diems, and then *ahem* going home the next ball! – VOODOO

 

THE GLENN MCGRATH MOST UNLIKELY INJURY OF THE YEAR AWARD - for forgetting that he was wearing a helmet while wicketkeeping, and wacking his nose on it, but luckily not drawing any more blood - DAVE WOODHOUSE

 

THE MIKE GATTING FALSE ACCUSATION AWARD - for declaring all season that this would be his last as he can't contribute to the team anymore, or his body couldn't cope or something irrelevant - HUGO NISBETT

 

THE DARREN ANDERTON SICKNOTE AWARD - for not one but TWO unscheduled Sunday sicknesses right before start time - poor form! - shall we double up?? - ANDY OFFORD

 

THE ARJUNA RANATUNGA AWARD FOR BEST RUNNING BETWEEN WICKETS - for running out Fletch more times than we care to remember, and general fleetness of foot - JIM WARBRICK

 

THE GEOFFREY BOYCOTT "THAT'S NOT CRICKET" AWARD FOR BAT ABUSE - for throwing his bat further than he can throw a cricket ball after being run out by Jim Warbrick against Palm Tree - DAVE WOODHOUSE

 

THE SORRY BOWLER AWARD FOR UNDERACHIEVEMENT IN A SEASON - for not winning an award this season...we expect a backlash in 2015!! - DAN DE JESUS

 

THE HASHIM AMLA FACIAL HAIR AWARD - for the best new facial growth seen since Christian Bale that saw him pick up yet another nickname - EWOK

 

THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK AWARD FOR SHODDY OFFICIATING - for giving PG Woodhouse out caught against Jesmond Jaguars to a full toss that came through at about chest height – CUNNERS

 

THE LORD LUCAN AWARD FOR GOING MISSING FROM THE FIELD OF PLAY – he seems to get this every year! For popping off for a quick piss against Wytham, and trying to sneak back on to the field at long-on, only to be bust by the grumpy opposition batsman and told to wait til the end of the over! - CLAYDERS

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We play most of our games in Dulwich and net during the winter at The Oval.  Send us an email at gardenerscc@ymail.com

 

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and may involve some poetic licence. GCC cannot be held liable for any misrepresentation in these articles.

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