Gardeners Cricket Club
Gardeners Cricket Club

2014 Fines



THE MARY BERRY AWARD FOR BEST TEA - without a shadow of a doubt for the first Pretenders game, who could forget it - LAURA CLAYTON. In absentia, please stand up MR RICHIE CLAYTON who probably had a hand in the tea preparation anyway.


THE PULP FICTION AWARD FOR TASTIEST BURGER- for her superb homemade burgers at the end of season braai, more a fine of commendation than anything - NINA NISBETT.




THE JIMMY ANDERSON AWARD FOR BOWLING BRILLIANCE - A joint award. One for possibly the best spell I've yet seen - 6/14 off 6 against Carpediems at Turney Road - CLAYDERS. Another for his superbly aggressive spell against Bumblers and finishing it off with a sterling pointing of the way back to the clubhouse. He finished with 4/17 also off 6 – PIERS TEAKLE, THE TEAKLER


THE RAHUL DRAVID AWARD FOR CATCHING BRILLIANCE - each would normally win catch of the year were it not for the freak of a catch Metronome bagged against Strongroom. CLAYDERS  for his superb low catch at mid-off against Strongroom; NOVA for his superb low flying catch at mid-on against Jesmond Jags and PIERS for his reflex caught and bowled against Carpe Vinum


THE JONTY RHODES AWARD FOR FIELDING BRILLIANCE - for his superb diving stop at speed against Highgate Irregulars, ploughing into the boundary, flicking it back, doing a forward roll, only to get back on his feet, catch it, and throw it in right above the stumps, all in one movement and in front of the oppo – VOODOO


THE DENIS COMPTON AWARD FOR HIGHEST SCORE OF THE SEASON – another joint award One for his swashbuckling 82 against Jesmond Jaguars – DAN DE JESUS. Another for his superb 82 in front of his girlfriend against the Harry Baldwins – perhaps she should come watch more often? – JIM WARBIRCK




THE FLINTOFF EARLY RETIREMENT AWARD – jointly awarded. One for giving up the captaincy in 2014; the other for emigrating to Oxfordshire to avoid another fine – SKIP & CLAYDERS


THE ROBIN HOOD AWARD FOR OUTREACH TO THE DISPOSESSED - for telling a homeless man to "P OFF" in Oxford - TOM LEAHY. He did apologise right away, so we'll just make this a single shall we?


THE LINDSAY LOHAN AWARD FOR MOST IMPRESSIVE PARTYING ON TOUR - for getting us pepped up on Albanian firewater before the first tour game and then proceeding to party all us young bucks under the table later on - a unanimous decision - JONNY VINCENT


THE DAVID LLOYD AWARD FOR BIGGEST FAUX PAS AT PRE-SEASON NETS – for an attempt at humour by our humble bag man that unfortunately backfired spectacularly! No harm done, but I thought I’d read an excerpt from the email chain from a potential new recruit.... – ROB NAVRATIL


THE MARK WAUGH FASHION AWARD FOR SARTORIAL DARING - a three-way tie between Cunners' pink shorts at the first Pretenders game, Pier's pyjama bottoms against Carpe Vinum and Clayders' canary yellow trainers worn all season - NICK CUNNINGHAM, PIERS TEAKLE and RICH CLAYTON


THE MIKE ATHERTON CAPTAIN GRUMPY AWARD FOR GROUCHINESS ON THE FIELD - for the general bollocking we all received for being hungover in the field against Wytham on tour....TOMMY LEAHY


THE GARETH GATES AWARD FOR BEST/WORST SINGING EVER (you decide) - for his ear-shattering rendition of La Bamba at The Bear in Oxford. Perhaps he can have another go tonight? - ANTONI ROGOWSKI


THE JEREMY PAXMAN AWARD FOR BAD JOURNALISM, OR LACK THEREOF - for failing to do the tour write-up. Sorry bowler - NICK CUNNINGHAM


THE NASSER HUSSAIN AWARD FOR JAMMIEST DISMISSAL OF THE SEASON - for claiming a fly flew into his eye as he was clean bowled at Highgate Woods. And he’s still sticking to it! - CHRIS HUMPHRIES


THE EWOK AWARD FOR GETTING LOST IN HIS NATURAL ENVIRONMENT - for (a) being late for the game, (b) getting lost in Highgate Woods on his way there and (c) for not speeding up his efforts to get onto the field - I think that's a double! - ANTONI ROGOWSKI


THE GEORGE BEST AWARD FOR BIGGEST HANGOVER ON TOUR - second year running! We literally had to drag him out of bed white as a sheet and mumbling something about jaegerbombs the previous night to get to the game - ROB NAVRATIL


THE JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME AWOL AWARD - for anyone who's better half gave birth this season and they subsequently missed most of it - MIKE RICHARDS; FATTY NAKED


BEST NEW NICKNAME AWARD - there's a few here, so let's do them all - SEAL, FLETCH, CBG & EWOK


THE HUGO NISBETT TIMEKEEPING AWARD - for, I'm told, turning up late and severely over-dressed to last year's dinner - ED SPIRLING / FERRIS


THE AN COOK FLOATING TROPHY FOR BATTING - for taking 5 games to post a decent opening partnership this season. 3 of them didn't trouble the scoring - THE TWO W'S


THE CHUCK NORRIS MISSING IN ACTION AWARD - for anyone here who didn't play a game all season - JLO, WILL CLAYTON, FERRIS


THE CHRIS GAYLE AWARD FOR GOING BIG - for being instructed by Jamie to "go big or go home" with 4 runs to win against Carpe Diems, and then *ahem* going home the next ball! – VOODOO


THE GLENN MCGRATH MOST UNLIKELY INJURY OF THE YEAR AWARD - for forgetting that he was wearing a helmet while wicketkeeping, and wacking his nose on it, but luckily not drawing any more blood - DAVE WOODHOUSE


THE MIKE GATTING FALSE ACCUSATION AWARD - for declaring all season that this would be his last as he can't contribute to the team anymore, or his body couldn't cope or something irrelevant - HUGO NISBETT


THE DARREN ANDERTON SICKNOTE AWARD - for not one but TWO unscheduled Sunday sicknesses right before start time - poor form! - shall we double up?? - ANDY OFFORD


THE ARJUNA RANATUNGA AWARD FOR BEST RUNNING BETWEEN WICKETS - for running out Fletch more times than we care to remember, and general fleetness of foot - JIM WARBRICK


THE GEOFFREY BOYCOTT "THAT'S NOT CRICKET" AWARD FOR BAT ABUSE - for throwing his bat further than he can throw a cricket ball after being run out by Jim Warbrick against Palm Tree - DAVE WOODHOUSE


THE SORRY BOWLER AWARD FOR UNDERACHIEVEMENT IN A SEASON - for not winning an award this season...we expect a backlash in 2015!! - DAN DE JESUS


THE HASHIM AMLA FACIAL HAIR AWARD - for the best new facial growth seen since Christian Bale that saw him pick up yet another nickname - EWOK


THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK AWARD FOR SHODDY OFFICIATING - for giving PG Woodhouse out caught against Jesmond Jaguars to a full toss that came through at about chest height – CUNNERS


THE LORD LUCAN AWARD FOR GOING MISSING FROM THE FIELD OF PLAY – he seems to get this every year! For popping off for a quick piss against Wytham, and trying to sneak back on to the field at long-on, only to be bust by the grumpy opposition batsman and told to wait til the end of the over! - CLAYDERS

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Matt Aked (life)

Jamie Elliot (life)

Chris Humphries

Rob Navratil (life)

Hugo Nisbet (life)

Steven Seaton

David Woodhouse (life)

Caveat lector

All our match reports and player profiles are written by third parties,

and may involve some poetic licence. GCC cannot be held liable for any misrepresentation in these articles.

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